


even the shadows get lost (i see no star)

by YunalalieMoon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Kinda?, M/M, Minor Character Death, This is just a one-shot book lol, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 13:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15559233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunalalieMoon/pseuds/YunalalieMoon
Summary: Multiple Stray Kids one-shots, could potentially become stories if they're well received.This is also a progression story of sorts. These were written a long time ago, and do not reflect my current writing skills. Enjoy!





	1. Sweet Toxin (January 2018)

**Author's Note:**

> Sweet Toxin-January 2018
> 
> Han Jisung is a small child struggling to make friends.
> 
> Lee Minho is a ghost.

Friendship is a poison that no one can bring themselves to leave. It’s what makes humanity feel complete, even if it destroys them. It’s an unfortunate cycle that all of us will eventually fall for.

And it would only make sense for the small boy in the corner to be trapped by the spell as well.

Jisung clutched his legs close to himself, eyeing the other children playing and having fun. A spark of envy touched close to his heart, and Jisung sighed as he buried his face further into his arms. It was always like this. No one ever approached him. Was it his weird face, his weird clothes, or his weird accent? What was so wrong about Jisung that made people avoid him?

“Are you alone?” a honey-like voice asked him. Jisung looked up to see a tall boy wearing a pretty striped shirt. His hair looked so smooth and blonde that Jisung wanted to pet it, and his brown eyes were a nice contrast. The newcomer didn’t, however, look like he was from his kindergarten. 

Jisung let his hands drop and unfurled his legs. “Who are you? You don’t look like you’re five…” 

The older boy laughed as he watched Jisung toy with his own fingers. “Of course I don’t, silly. I’m way older. But, hey, don’t tell anyone! You wouldn’t want them to kick me out, right?”

Jisung felt obligated to nod his head yes.

“My name is Minho, and I’m going to be your friend.” he continued.

Immediately, Jisung’s face brightened up. “My own friend?” he squealed. “Can I introduce you to the other children?”

Upon the mention of his classmates, Minho’s face darkened. “No, you can’t. I’m sorry. Even if you did, they’d think you were lying. Do you know why?”

Jisung shook his head.

“Because you’re the only one that can see me.”

Minho stretched out his hand for Jisung to take. Cautiously, Jisung held it firmly and let himself be pulled up.

This was the first time Jisung had tasted poison.

And, to him, it was the sweetest thing ever.

Jisung was eight now, and slowly growing older. Just like he had promised, Minho had stayed by his side and helped him through a lot. Whenever his parents fought, Minho had calmed him down. When his classes occupied most of his time, and he couldn’t take it anymore, Minho had sat there with him while he cried and complained. 

It made Jisung feel loved, and again, the sweet taste was always there.

However, as Jisung went to school and gained more confidence, he had made more friends. he didn’t have many, but the ones he had were some of the best he could ask for.

Minho grew anxious. 

One day, while they were lying on his bed, Minho broke the silence. “You’ll never leave me for one of your friends, will you?”

Jisung snickered and covered his face with his pillow. “Why would I leave you? You were the first friend I made, surely that gives you confidence?”

Minho removed the pillow and smiled at Jisung. The grin didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, thanks.”

Jisung stared at Minho’s thoughtful eyes before Minho spoke. “Hey, you know how I’m not really a regular person?’

Jisung flinched. This was his least favorite thing to take about. he hated being reminded that his first friend wasn’t even real and was probably a figment of imagination. “Yeah?” he bitterly responded.

Minho remained silent for a bit before replying. “Do you remember the glass owl you got from that… friend? I forgot his name.”

Jisung nodded. “It’s Seungmin. Yeah, I remember, why?”

There was a moment of hesitation and tension before Minho said, “Put me there.”

Jisung choked on air and looked back at his friend. “Put you… in a glass owl? Is that even possible? Why would you want that? Why can’t you just stay like this? Please, Minho?”

Minho chewed on his lip and abruptly sat up. “You’re asking too many questions, Jisung. Just… know this. It isn’t safe for me anymore, and I can feel my presence weighing you down.”

It was Jisung that tensed up at the last sentence. he truthfully had been feeling weighed down by the boy recently, and the feeling made him feel worthless. Quietly, Jisung slipped a hand over Minho’s. “How’d you know, huh?”

It was a teasing tone, but the voice only made Minho laugh more. There were so many things Jisung didn’t know about his, and he was sure he’d never get to realize just who he was. “Let’s just say I can read you like the cover of a book, okay?”

Jisung smiled and nodded his head. “Fine then, here.” he took the glass owl out from his pocket and shoved it into Minho’s hand.

The others boy smiled at him before he clutched the owl and, before Jisung could even tell Minho to wait, disappeared into a flash of black.

Jisung was confused. “I thought guardian angels were supposed to have an aura of white?” 

Nonetheless, he placed the owl on his desk, hiding it behind the picture of him and his best friend, Felix.

Jisung dreamt that night. The black room and lack of light made it scary, and Jisung could tell that it was a dream. Weird, he thought, I’ve never been able to realize I was dreaming.

Carefully, he walked forward, trying to find something to hold on. As he walked, he caught sight of a small light. When he walked closer, it grew bigger. Sitting there was a boy about 13, drawing a picture. 

Jisung stood in front of the boy, and his curiosity sparked. he could see that the others boy was drawing a picture of three boys. The one in the middle was the weird boy himself. The one on his right looked like Felix, and the one on the left looked oddly familiar. It took him a second to realize that it was an older version of himself.

Jisung tried to speak, but as soon as the first syllable left his mouth, the black room disappeared, and he was in his dimly lit bedroom. Jisung sat frozen under the sheets, cold despite the fact it was summer.

Jisung wanted to see the boy again.

And there it was. The same sweet taste.

Jisung had the same recurring dream every week, and every time he grew closer to asking his question. Today is the day. he thought as he slowly slipped into his world.

When he opened his eyes, he found that he wasn’t in the darkness. he was standing right next to the boy. Jisung gasped, and for the first time, the boy looked up. Ironically, he had the same hair and eye color as Minho, but he wasn’t anything alike. his eyes looked soft, while Minho’s always had some sort of coldness in them. “Hello, my name is Jisung? What’s yours?”

The boy blinked before his smile grew bigger. It wasn’t one of happiness, it was one of sadness. “You’ll meet me very soon, don’t worry.”

Jisung sighed and stuck out his lips. “You’re another one of those beings that Minho is, aren’t you?”

The others boy blinked. “Who’s Minho? I don’t remember hearing anything about him… unless…” The boy almost dropped his brush as he nervously wrung his hands. “No, I’m nothing like his. I promise. I’m a real person.”

Jisung nodded before sitting down next to his. “Why are you always alone? You look like you could use company.”

The boy looked down at the picture of himself before meeting Jisung’s gaze. “I think,” he started. “You know perfectly why.”

Just like that, Jisung woke up.

But this time, it was a bittersweet taste.

And the day after, Jisung thought he spotted a boy that looked exactly like the one in the dream.

Jisung was fourteen now, and a lot had changed in his life. he’d spent the past few years avoiding social contact, and, without anyone to vent his feelings to, became depressed. 

But this year, he had met some of the greatest people. Even after their friendship had drifted away, Felix and his had rekindled and became closer than ever. Hyunjin was a new friend, but already, he trusted Hyunjin with his life more than he trusted himself.

Felix was like him. They both had the same problems in life, and eventually, both talked about it. The smiles they shared were full of secrets because they both knew the only way to escape was death. And maybe, just maybe, they were both drawn in by the idea of a simple ending.

It may seem stupid to trust someone you’d just met, but Jisung had a very good reason. Hyunjin was the exact same boy he had seen in his dream. his eyes, his hair, his face, everything about his was the same.

Jisung had yet to tell Hyunjin, but he was afraid of scaring him away.

This day, when Jisung went home and got ready to sleep after finishing his homework, he saw a setting he’d never expected to see again.

Jisung was in the same dark room he’d been in six years ago. Prepared to walk forward, Jisung took a step before someone pulled him back.

The hands on his wrist and neck were cold, and Jisung shivered from their touch. 

“You forgot about me, didn’t you?”

Jisung’s blood froze and he took deep breaths to calm himself down. Minho.

Minho continued. “I knew you’d always lie to me, Jisung. There was no way to hide it.”

There it was, the same honey filled sentences that only carried malice.

“Felix’s already dead, there's no hope for him,” Minho smirked. “You’re next, you know that?”

Only now did Hyunjin’s words make sense, and Jisung struggled against Minho’s grip.

“I won’t ever let you leave me. Again. We’ll be like this together.”

 

Jisung lost count of how old he was. 

He tried to calm himself as he walked toward a small boy in the corner of his old classroom. “Are you alone?”

Jisung watched the child meet his gaze and painfully forced a realistic smile on his face.

“My name is Jisung, and I’m going to be your friend.”


	2. Half of a Soul, Half of a Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Half of a Soul, Half of a Mind-February 2018
> 
> Felix doesn't believe in the Soulmate System

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This was supposed to be a Felix/Changbin fanfiction, not a Felix/Hyunjin. However, since I never got to actually finishing this, Changbin was never introduced. So, just read it as a Felix/Hyunjin friends to lover one-shot.

Lee Felix lived in a perfectly flawed world where the perfectly flawed universe would decide your perfectly flawed soulmate. Everyone went through the same process at the hospital. Naturally, a soul and mind would be split into two different people. This gave people a goal in life: to find their soulmate. Without them, they’d be incomplete, half of themselves. People who weren’t lucky often went mad and were sent to mandatory re-evaluation.

It may seem hard, but at least the universe cared enough. Usually, your soulmate would only be a few countries away, sometimes only one continent. What were you supposed to do? Travel around the world in hopes of bumping into them? No, the universe might be cruel, but it hadn’t became that unforgiving yet.

So, how exactly? 

It’s simple.

You live your life without color. A month before your soulmate is supposed to appear, you start seeing the hues floating around in your life. How to figure out which human is your soulmate? When you first see them, it will be the first time you see their favorite color. After it, the color wheel will be complete. If everything goes well, everything stays the same, except for the colors now present in everyday life. If you and your soulmate end up failing, the colors start dulling. They’ll never fully disappear from anyone’s life until the other half of them dies.

Of course, this system was perfectly flawed. People began to despise the idea of soulmates, especially those who were left behind by their significant other. Because they had at least given their relationship a try, they were allowed to stay as members of society. These few were named as “halves,” and quite often taught their children that a soulmate would only cause them pain.

And, of course, Lee Felix’s mother was a half. Felix’s father had left him for another woman when he was five. People often pitied him, but he just shrugged it off  
Due to his half upbringings, Felix was strongly against the idea of soulmates. He even scoffed at the idea. But he couldn’t go around talking about how much soulmates made his heart fail to keep beating from disappointment. The world would be painfully reminded of how his mother was a half, a disgrace to humanity, and they would immediately try to ‘fix’ him. 

Halves might be tolerated, but that didn’t mean they were treated equally.

“Back in history, a few hundred years ago, science wasn’t nearly as advanced. Because of this, scientists weren’t able to invent the soulmate cure. People were allowed to date whoever they wanted!”

Felix’s mind cut back to the class he was in after screams of disgust filled the room. The professor continued, obviously enjoying the angry look sprawled across Felix’s face. “How terrible! This lead to heartbreak, and even… cheating.” The professor paused as screams of tortured students continued on. “However, some people were stu--a little different, and still went with their own misguided directions.”

Before he could continue, the bell rang. “Class is dismissed. Mr. Lee Felix, please see me after class.”

Felix grit his teeth as he looked down, not wanting to meet his teacher or his peers’ gazes. “What do you want, you piece of--”

“Language, Lee Felix.” Professor Woojin tutted before looking up from his graded papers. His cold eyes landed on Felix’s, From the lack of color or emotion, Felix didn’t know.

Felix puffed out his cheeks and blew out. The reflection of his lighter eyes appeared in Woojin’s darker ones. 

“You’re probably wondering why I called you here, huh?”

No response.

Woojin continued anyway. “Your mom’s a half, right?” 

He smirked as Felix’s hands clenched into tight fists. “Come on, Felix. Just admit that you think our system’s pretty smart.”

This is what Felix hated the most about Woojin.

Woojin’s great-great-great-great-great-grandfather had been on the team of scientists who successfully designed the first soulmate pair. Felix admitted the man was brave for sacrificing his own son, but the way it turned out made Felix wish he hadn’t. Woojin’s great-great-great-great-grandfather had been the test subject. And, look at where it landed. “A piece of trash with no human functionality.” Felix shook his head.

Woojin clicked his tongue. “I suggest you watch that mouth of yours, Felix.:

Felix picked up his bag and walked to the doorway before looking back. “And I suggest you watch that coffee of yours, Woojin.”

Felix calmly walked out of the classroom, laughing at the splutters of a flustered Woojin. “It’s not like I did something that bad… I just poured a pen or two’s ink.” Felix mumbled to himself. Absentmindedly, he typed in his locker combination and the door swung open.

Footsteps clanked from behind before a pair of strong arms hugged him and warm hands covered his eyes. “You sure it was just pen ink? I’m surprised you haven't poisoned him by now.”

Felix let out a soft squeak as he was pulled back into his friend’s hug. Felix squirmed against the grip. “Hyunjin, you know I appreciate you and all, but I’m about to die.” He choked out.

Hyunjin hugged tighter. “Love you, bro.”

Felix coughed. “Hate you, bro.”

Felix could practically see Hyunjin roll his eyes as the other spun him around. “You love me too much, Felix-ie~” Hyunjin smiled, ruffling the younger’s hair.

A slight blush crept onto Felix’s face. So what? Just let the poor kid be. “Hyunjin, I swear to god, you’re so embarrassing… I’m not even your god damn soulmate, unless I’ve been hallucinating and missing these colors. How long ago was that... ah, ten years.”

 

Felix slammed his locker shut, his lunchbox held tightly in his hand. He and Hyunjin began to walk to the cafeteria, the older swinging his lunchbox by his left side.

Hyunjin shrugged and scoffed. “Not likely, how the hell are you gonna hallucinate for ten years? If you did, you’d probably make it into one of those textbooks Woojin has.” 

There was a comfortable silence before Hyunjin continued. “Besides, it’s not like I actually believe in that--”

For a second, time seemed to freeze. Awkward coughing filled the silence as Hyunjin diverted his eyes to the floor. “Ignore what I said…”

Felix stayed quiet and stared into Hyunjin’s eyes blankly, trying to find the glimmer in his friend’s eyes. When he couldn’t see any lies and was starting to creep Hyunjin out, Felix   
nodded his head and mumbled a casual, “Me neither.”

Hyunjin’s breath got caught in his throat and he had a violent coughing fit. “Excuse me?” 

Felix lazily shrugged. “What? You’re the one who brought the topic up.”

“But--why’d you never tell me?” Hyunjin whined, betrayal evident in his voice.

“You never asked, stop being a drama queen. If it helps, my mom’s a half, so I don’t really… follow the traditional ways of thinking.” Felix bit into his sandwich, resting his head against the oak tree.

Before he closed his eyes, he could’ve sworn the oak tree didn’t look the same. Something had happened to it.

Felix turned his eyes to meet Hyunjin’s, but instead let out a shriek. He started blinking rapidly, then tried covering his eyes and reopening them. “Holy--”

He started hyperventilating and collapsed to the grass. Hyunjin laughed and patted his shoulder. “I know I’m good looking, but you don’t have to do that.”

Felix sat up and glared at his idiot of a friend. “No, you dimwit! Your eyes, they’re brown.” The name of the color came to him so naturally, almost as if he’d spent his entire life seeing and naming it.

Hyunjin blinked at him before shaking Felix by his shoulders. “Does this mean your soulmate’s going to appear soon?”

Just thinking about it gave Felix the shivers. “Dear God, please let the answer be no. God, no. I already have someone on my mind, just--why me…”  
\  
Felix could see Hyunjin’s questionable look, but ignored it. “This is all Woojin’s fault, isn’t it. If his ancestors hadn’t offered to make a reasonable way out of this, then maybe it would’ve all been normal. I could’ve--would’ve--done something else rather than spending my life chasing someone around.” Felix said, rapidly taking breaths to calm himself.

Hyunjin didn’t respond until a moment’s pause had gone by. “You know, this was practically in all future for you, right?’

“Huh?’ Felix shot back.

Hyunjin looked disappointed. “Have you learned nothing from Woojin’s class?”

Felix shrugged. “No, and I don’t plan to.”


	3. Path of Thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Path of Thorns-March 2018
> 
> Kim Seungmin, a gone wrong science experiment, is tired of being just a project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit weird... what must have happened for me to write this? Haha.

Kim Seungmin wasn’t always walking on a path of thorns. Every step he took seemed to hurt and only led to further pain.

No, Kim Seungmin wasn’t always walking on this path.

But it was all he could remember.

All the feelings and memories before he had been selected as a test subject for science seemed to be gone. His friends and family all seemed to be gone with them. Seungmin was left with nothing but a path of thorns.

Of course it hurt. It hurt to be left alone with only pain.

But in every single future for himself, there was no way he could avoid it.

Ten years ago, scientists made a breakthrough. They could form superhuman people who possessed abilities unknown to mankind. A certain type could see the future and even create their own. Theoretically, these individuals could see every possible thing that could happen, creating different “paths.” These “paths” showcased what would happen if you did a certain thing. Because this individual could see what they had to do to get to their favorite path, they are, in a way, making their own fate. These people were called “Time Shifters.”

Of course, Time Shifters weren’t the only form of unhuman beings. There were people who controlled the Red Strings of Love, which tied you to your soulmate. Known as “Cutters” or “Ties,” some people could cut the strings and others could tie them to others. When one person possessed both abilities, they were named a “Tie Cutter.”

Scientists had experimented on many, but almost all of them failed. The patients either retained no special power or went crazy. Some even died.

But a few months ago, two experiments became successful. Seungmin’s friends, Minho and Jisung. Minho became a Time Shifter and Jisung became a Tie Cutter. At first, everything went smoothly and the two carried out their jobs given to them by the government. However, Jisung and Minho soon went crazy. Jisung had cut his own string and tied it to Minho’s, while Minho tried his best to prevent this from happening by going back in time. Eventually, Jisung shot Minho and then killed himself.

Scientists and the public were scared to try the experiment again, but they decided that they couldn’t live in fear of what could happen.

To make things safer, they decided that Time Shifters and Tie Cutters should not co-exist. 

When Seungmin had been dragged to the lab, they had wanted him to become a Time Shifter. During the experiment, something had went wrong. The machines had started breaking, and soon, the emergency siren was wailing. The scientists had thought that they had killed Seungmin and unplugged everything. When they went in the chamber, they were surprised to find the boy alive and well, but with a new added gloominess in his eyes.

Seungmin didn’t end up as just a Time Shifter. He ended up being a Tie Cutter, too. 

Which led him to where he was today.

Seungmin wished he could have just lived his life like normal eighteen-year-olds do, but instead, he was usually under government watch. He still went to school, still went shopping, still did human things, but instead was treated specially. People would go up to him and ask him for favors, and others would simply stay away. 

To say Seungmin was upset was an understatement.

He had never wanted to be experimented on, had wanted to live his life normally. When he had been dragged into the lab, a part of him already knew there was no hope. 

Seungmin remembered the click of the lock.

And there he had been.

Locked away from what the world considered normal.

Kim Seungmin hated it. Kim Seungmin wanted to escape. Kim Seungmin was upset.

Kim Seungmin wasn’t Kim Seungmin anymore. Kim Seungmin was a puppet of society. 

The only part of himself he could hold onto was his name. Kim Seungmin. The three syllables given to him by his parents, the eight letters he learned to write.

Kim Seungmin. 

Kim Seungmin.

Kim Seungmin.

Even if his name was the only part of himself he had, he still hated it. He hated everything.

Why did his name mean happiness? It always seemed to bother him, tease him. The current state he was in was far from happiness.

All Kim Seungmin had was sorrow.

He couldn’t ask for more.

So Kim Seungmin, the boy who had smiled, lay cold and unmoving in his bed.

His Red String tied around his neck.

The meaningful path of future they had landed on visible in his empty eyes.

What if… 

What if…

What if Kim Seungmin had never existed?

A smile formed on Kim Seungmin’s face as he slowly faded away.

The Red Strings disappeared. Future disappeared. It was as if nothing had ever existed. It was as if the world was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even I don't know what I meant. Did Seungmin destroy the world? Lol


	4. Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perfection-February 2018
> 
> Jeongin wants perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I.. I'm confused myself reading this

Perfection doesn’t exist.

There is no way it can.

How can someone, or something, simply exist with no flaws? Aren’t flaws what make us… us? Without them, aren’t we just the same being? The same, meaningless body that walks around following orders.

Do this, do that. Go to school, go to parties. Stop laughing, stop crying. Keep studying, keep working. How many of these choices do we make for ourselves?

It is this that makes me believe perfection is impossible. 

But if I really believed so firmly that it is, why am I here?

Why am I dressed in these coats of white, trying to make perfection?

Perfection doesn’t exist.

To me.

But they believed it existed. They said perfection was possible, that I could do it. With effort, one day, a perfect human being would exist.

I started experimenting on volunteers. I did everything in my power to make them perfect. They could be perfect.

It started off tame. I just took out some blood samples, tested various chemicals and added the specified substance back in.

It didn’t work. The subject died a week after.

I should’ve stopped, realized I was just acting in vain.

I never did.

Experiment after experiment, I kept working toward my dream. It started growing to the point where I didn’t care where I found the people for my experiments. From day to night, everything I did revolved around perfecting perfection.

They told me to stop. They said everything was okay. They said that everything I was doing was in vain. They said I was perfect.

I am far from perfect. 

I am a murderer.

These white coats are straight jackets.

These labs are mental hospitals.

These words are pain.

But to me, these words are also perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will Yuna finally decide to make things clearer? I'm having a heart attack from theories rn lol


	5. Pen and Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pen and Paper-December 2017
> 
> Bang Chan's Guardian Angel has come to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I feel like my writing downgraded? This wasn't even that bad...

Bang Chan always wondered why the grey and black dotted feathers fell outside of his window.

Of course, Chan had nothing against the sight. He was simply awed by their beauty and grace. His eyes shined whenever the feathers would float down outside of his window. The soft, grey feathers drifted in the air as easily as the snowflakes fell from the heavily laden clouds. They were breathtaking; ethereal. Chan was automatically drawn to these feathers.

It had always been like this since they started. Chan would sit at his window for hours and refuse to move. Eating, drinking, and using the restroom weren't important to him when a new storm of feathers decided to fall in a flurry of grey and black. 

If Chan were honest, perhaps they were only interesting to him because he had never been outside. His whole life was spent indoors with his only guardian, a man in his 20s. Chan's caretaker had died a year or two prior to the current day. He had died of a sudden heart attack, right in front of Jihoon. He did not remember sadness or pain. He only remembered how the constraints on his freedom were suddenly gone.

That was first time he saw an opportunity for the outdoors. Yet he didn't take it. Chan knew he could have left the house now the bars were broken, but he chose to stay inside.

He'd never seen anything besides his house. Personally, he prefered for it to stay that way. What was the point? Nothing can exist without an opposite. Where there's happiness, there's sadness. Chan's guardian often told him about the torturous world. He said they lived in a world where good is bad and bad is bad. There were no pure things in life besides himself.

Even if Chan did accidentally leave the house, nothing would be different. Nothing would ever be different. It'd always be the same house. The same bed covers. The same walls. The same design, the same sounds, the same sight. 

Chan bit down on his lip, the torturous reality of his life returning. Today, he concluded, was another day where everything worked against him. It always seemed to be that way. Chan sat crossed legged on top of his neatly made bed of snow white sheets. He rested his head on the palm of his hand. "If I'm supposed to be writing my own story, why do I not have the pen?" He whispered. 

The words he said would fade away, carried away by the breeze. They'd then be forgotten, just like him. Chan faintly remembered his caretaker's lesson on life. 

Chan found it ironic that he even knew what breeze was. He had been given an education, but he could tell his guardian cringed any time anything to do with the outdoors was mentioned. 

Lost in his train of thought, Chan's hands were automatically on the windowsill, his eyes seeing everything, yet nothing, on the other side of the thin glass that separated them. Outside, the grey feathers that fell softly to the snow layered ground seemed to shimmer. The black spots strewn across the soft surface were shiny, each having its own unique quality. The sparkles reflected themselves in Chan's eyes, and he smiled wistfully.

One question Chan failed to ask himself was where the feathers came from. The feathers that he admired so much were so pretty, yet they hid themselves away from him. He pursed his lips as he realized that a simple feather had him wrapped around its finger. Yet Chan would do anything to touch one. Maybe, just maybe, go outside.

Chan absentmindedly flicked his hand out, as if to catch a feather. He expected his hand to hit the cold glass of the windowpane, but instead, he hit the plastic lock attached to his window. The lock was fragile now, as it wasn't very durable and had been there since he was born. He faintly remembered the man putting it there, telling him to never open it until he died. He hadn't known what those words meant at the time, but he sure did now.

A sudden ball of fear formed in Chan's stomach as the lock snapped. The worthless piece of plastic fell to the ground with a clunk. "You've done it now, Jihoon. Oh my God," he screeched, jumping off his bed.

His breathing was ragged and uneven as the window started to fly open. His eyes shut closed, and Jihoon flinched back, expecting something to hit him. His guardian's knowledge would come to use now, he thought. Chan was always warned against the dangerous things that could fly onto you and kill you outside. So he waited. And waited. 

When nothing hit him, his eyes fluttered open again. The window had opened. but there were no destructive toxins, no knives being flung into his face. Chan uneasily watched the open door. He cautiously approached it, telling himself to close the window. 

He told himself to just shut it and seal it tight. Everything could be fixed, and he could go back to his solitary life of nothingness and sameness. But another part, a small, yet logical, part told him to climb outside of the window and be free. To climb outside and see all the beauties the world had to offer.

Chan desperately fought against what his mind told him. There was nothing outside for him. But even he knew that was a lie. The boy's eyes focused on what seemed to be one of the last pretty objects fluttering to the ground. He would never forget about the feathers, and this might be his last chance. His last chance and his first chance. He took a step forward.

"Everything will be over, Chan. This world is in disarray. Do you really want that, Chan-yah? Come on now, I know I brought you up better than that. Betraying your kind guardian so soon?"

The familiar voice returned to him. For a second, a split second, the fear intensified. It had been so long since he had heard the same sickeningly sweet tone. It was the same noxious tone that had kept him in here for his life.

The man who had imprisoned him. Kept him away from the world. HId him away from his destiny. There were so many things Chan's guardian had done wrong, yet here he was. Still brave enough to talk to him.

Chan had made up his mind. He was leaving. There was nothing here for him. The man's voice had proved that. If he was going to be constantly used, he might as well use himself to do something adventurous.

However, a small part of Chan wanted to turn around and run into the man's arms, but his feet couldn't move. He was stuck in place and could hear the man inching closer. The fear returned, and Chan tried to move his feet.

"Come on, child. Come a little closer." The voice taunted him, moving closer. Chan could feel the warmth of his guardian's breath near his back.

Chan couldn't do much. There were so few options for him to take. He knew he'd lose a fight with his guardian in a heartbeat, and turning around would make him return to the same life of plainness.

So, Chan jumped.

His feet flew over the side of the window, followed by his hands. His torso followed, and his feet soon found a ladder for him to stand on. As his head poked out of the house, he almost did a double-take from what the world was really like. 

Even the frozen land stripped of its beauty was fascinating to him. The trees, the snow, the ice; all so magical and unreal. Chan let out a breath and, with delight, figured out he could see his breath. His hand had a firm grip on a ladder stationed next to his window, and he hung off of it while staring into the distance.

He almost forgot why he had come outside in the first place. A soft feather fell on top of his head, and CHan quickly snatched it. The second he pulled it in front of his face, the soft color of grey turned into a vivid yet pastel like white. Chan almost dropped the feather in surprise and tilted his head up. "The roof. Of course..." He mumbled, the wind battering his hair. 

Chan could have probably prepared this better, but there was really nothing to prepare for. He'd just have to deal with some minor inconveniences. He tried to convince himself while he started trying to climb the ladder. He had heard of them before, quite often from the escape books he had read.

"Chan-ie! There's only so far you can run!"

The sharp voice colder than the snowflakes around Chan cut through the air again. His eyes widened as he hastily started to climb the ladder. He was determined to make it out of this hellhole, and he was never going to look back. 

From behind him, Chan heard the footsteps and metal clanking of someone else climbing behind him. Chan's hands felt clammy as he tried to climb even faster. The roof was only a few feet away. He could make it. He would make it.

The top of the structure Chan had spent his life in was right in front of him. Quickly, he grabbed onto the ledges and tried to pull himself up. He felt a hand on his leg, trying to pull him down. 

Chan gasped out in surprise, as the man grabbed both of his ankles. "I'm not letting you go, kid!" He screeched.

It was over. Chan's game was over, and he had lost.

Wasn't it?

Chan's vision started to fade before he caught glimpse of a man with black wings. All of a sudden, the weight attached to his feet was gone. The only thing left was a black feather resting in his hand.

"Thank you..." he mumbled.

Chan lay there and eventually fell asleep, a ring of white tinged black feathers surrounding him. Beside the ring was a beautiful angel.


	6. blind is to deaf as hurt is to heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blind is to Deaf as Hurt is to Heal-September 2018
> 
> Seungmin is a blind student.
> 
> Hyunjin is deaf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm being serious: My writing downgraded. A. Lot.

People always tell me that being blind is a curse. Not just a curse, a sign that you are being punished for someone else's wrongdoings.

I don't know why, but I've never thought of my 'curse' this way.

In fact, it is more like a gift.

Why?

I can hear things I never could hear when I could still see with my eyes. 

There's a whole new world that I can discover just by giving up something that's become so useless to me.

I always thought this was a gift turned cursed.

But, as people say, things can change, even my own thoughts.

All over one person.

He hates me.

He hurts me, degrades me, shoves me, bullies me.

All because I have something that he doesn't.

It's as if he's hurting me just so he can receive what he thinks I stole from him.

But, like always, he's right.

Always.

***  
Kim Seungmin. Age 17. The happiest blind person you could ever meet.

I know there's no reason for me to be happy when I tell people I'm blind. I know they whisper insults under their breath and say I'm crazy and laugh behind my back. They all do. It's always been this way.

But, guess what? I could care less. They think I can't hear them, that their words can bring me down. I never realized how foolish people with sight could be. The truth is that the blind see better than the sighted. I can't help but laugh every time I think about this.

Their words may go through my ears and get to my head, but I'm stronger than them. I've always been.

Until I met him.

Brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, and tall. That's what they told me he looked like. The most extraordinary thing about him? He's deaf. That puts us as polar opposites. It also puts my brain to work. If he's like me and lost one of his senses, does that mean he's as aware of the world as me? 

Small giggles escape my mouth as I slam my locker shut. It didn't matter, anyway. I can't waste my time thinking about some new stranger while I could be enjoying life. The boy could turn out to be faking it for the attention, or even be temporarily deaf. That wouldn't be enough time for him to really understand the world the way I do. 

A faint smile appeared on my lips as I half-heartedly reached out for my camera. This boy was walking past me. The smell in the air was obviously the scent that the boy had. My hands found the picture button as I did my best to aim. I knew I wouldn't be able to see what picture I took, but I could imagine.

Snap!

The Polaroid fell to the ground, the sound of falling paper floating in the air.

A satisfied smirk was plastered on my face as I knew I'd captured a moment that only I could see. No one else would be able to see exactly what I saw, and that's the way it should be.

I stuffed the camera away, my hand scraping against the cold metal of the locker. A soft gasp left my mouth at the sudden cold feeling pressed against my hand as the bell rang and the shuffling between classes started

I heard my heartbeat drop at the prospect of heading through the hallways. The ruffling of my inner pockets started playing before I walked toward another day of living in hell.

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't bring my feet to move toward the single blue painted door. My lips pursed as I stood still on the tiles before spinning in a semi-circle to change my direction.

There was always the excuse of being blind and getting lost, so why not? If being blind is 'such a curse', then I should take full advantage of it.

A sigh escaped as the doors swung open and I rushed out. Hearing the familiar sound of birds chirping and grass crunching made me feel at home. The scent of roses made me relax. Feeling the air hit my hand made me feel excited at the prospect of being outside.

The feeling of seeing darkness brought me happiness. It shouldn't have, you're weird, and go get that checked out was what normal people would say. However, not being able to see the world around me made me... happy. 

Why see when there is nothing to see? The world has gone to straight hell to the point where opening your eyes burns. Pain, suffering, starvation... the list goes on. Maybe we wouldn't be able to know about it if we just shut our eyes once in a while.

Laughter exploded out of my mouth as irony flooded in. I was complaining about the earth being straight hell when I'm considered the spawn of the Devil. Then again, I don't think he'd be very happy either, being able to see the world that he's created. He'd always find imperfectness.

Then again, it is him himself that looks for whatever imperfections he can find. I walked in thought, the sounds of nature and soft humming ringing as I walked around aimlessly.

If someone saw me, they'd say I was lost. They weren't wrong; I was lost in the world. Where do I belong? Is there anyone else like me? Am I not normal enough for this world? 

My thoughts were interrupted as nature decided to place a fallen twig in front of my path. I tripped over and fell flat on my face. The grass pricked my face as the slope of a hill pressed against my left side.

I sat up and started brushing myself off. “Stupid trees...” I murmured as my feet found balance again. 

My legs slightly wobbled as my balance found itself again. Cursing under my breath, I felt around for the mound again. The grass brushed my fingertips, telling me where to go. 

I took a deep breath as my feet went one step at a time up the hill. “Who decided to put a hill in a school that's 'friendly' for everyone?” I grumbled to myself.

When I couldn't climb any further, my feet collapsed and my body hit the ground. I was overwhelmed by the sounds of ants moving through the grass, the wind blowing the leaves on the tree, and the feel of the cold earth against my back. 

The smile on my face was quickly replaced with a frown. Would I have thought of this scene any different if I could see?

Yes, yes I would've. I would've seen the ants struggling with the food on their backs, the wind battering the pretty leaves, and the specks of dirt getting on my uniform.

I found myself lost in thought. Undoubtedly, I had caused another chain of thoughts to go through my head. Small laughter appeared on my face as I gripped onto the grass.

Slowly but surely, the surroundings became a part of me. For the first time, I felt a strong sense of peace and tranquility.

I lay like that for a while, enjoying the surroundings around me. This peace was interrupted by a sudden loud voice. “H-Hey! Move it!”

If sight was an attribute I had, I would've fluttered my eyes open. That voice. It was the boy from earlier. I just knew it. I slightly cringed. “Who are you, and what the hell is wrong with you?”

I didn't get an answer for quite some time before I heard a scoff and a foot stepping on my hand. “I can't hear you. Just--turn my way, will you?”

My head turned in the direction that the stranger was standing at. I started speaking again. “I said, who are you, and what's wrong with you?”

A groan could be heard from the other end. “I'm Hwang Hyunjin. I'm deaf, if that counts. Got a problem? Hope not. And open your eyes, you look like one of those mannequin dolls, for hell's sake!”

“I'm blind.”

Silence. It was just silence before a growl started off. “You're that boy, aren't you? That one boy who has hearing like no other, right?”

I'd never heard anyone classify me like that before, but I was the only blind boy in this school, so it must've been me. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Oh, for fu--okay, you know what? Leave. Can you leave this place? No, wait a minute, leave this place. I'm not giving you a choice.” Jungkook snarled. 

I was silent before answering. “No, this is my spot. I come here every day.”

Small but cruel laughter erupted. “Listen here, flower-boy. This is my spot now, whether you like it.”

My hands met the ground as I pushed myself up. “No. Like I said, I've been here forever.”

I didn't get a response, so I just assumed Hyunjin was gone. I was about to sit down before I felt a pair of hands grab my shoulders and spin me around to face them.

Hyunjin.

“Listen here. Leave now. You think you can stay here just because you can hear things, you can hear things that no one else can.”

He leaned closer and whispered into my ear. “You'll be going straight down to hell again, kid.”

For the first time, I felt shivers go down my spine as he let go and walked away, the crunching of the grass getting fainter.


	7. A Promise With Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Promise With Flowers-July 2017
> 
> Jeongin is always reminded about the one mistake he made.

There's always a point in time where I always find myself coming back to visit. The point in time which I regret the most. The regret that still lasts to this day. Every single one of my actions playoff to me as a mistake, and to the point where that moment was a mistake. Blinded by hope, that's what I was. I was blinded by a sense of protectiveness, like that of an older brother. Why did I take that role if I knew I couldn't live up to it? Or if I had just had a single sliver of courage in me, could I have kept my promise? Although, I know why I didn't keep the promise. I didn't keep it because I knew that it was the right thing to do.

But even now, I still ask myself; Was it?

***

I smiled as I skipped down the path blooming. The 6th Grade teacher had just let us out of the school and into the gardens. The trail was littered with late spring flowers. The colors stood out drastically from the brown of the pathway. The air was very humid, seeing as it rained earlier, and the sun had just come out from the clouds. It was days like this which I enjoyed the most. The school's gardens were always so peaceful after it rained. 

I carried a woven basket in my left hand and a single asphodel in my right. My basket was filled to the brim with pink carnations and holly. I had picked them from the main garden, thinking they were pretty. In my hair was a white heather, woven intricately into my brown locks. I lived in my own world, with these flowers. They meant everything to me, and I only dared to hope I meant everything to them.

I was suddenly snapped out of my trance when I saw my friend sitting alone on the bench. He had a lavender heather in his hand and was staring at it. I took this chance to walk up to him and sat down. "Hello, Hyunjin."

Hyunjin had glanced up in shock before realizing it was me. "Hi, Jeongin. Why are you here? You have other friends."

I laughed quietly. "Sure, I may, but none of them carry the same sense of thrill I get sitting here beside you."

"That's a compliment, right?"

"Of course it is, Hyunjin. Why should I insult you when you've been nothing but kind to me?" I answered.

Hyunjin remained silent, his brown eyes fixated on a jonquil. A sigh was heard from him before the sound of shoes hitting the ground came. "I need to go do some stuff. Sorry Jeongin, I'll be back."

Now it was my turn to glance up in shock. "What do you mean? I just sat down, and now you have to leave already?"

Hyunjin nodded and walked away from where he had sat, leaving me quite confused. I refused to believe he would do that unless it was something important. "Curiosity has got me wrapped around its finger," I mumbled to myself.

Feeling brave, I had chased after him, careful not to make a sound. Hyunjin walked fast, a rushed pace seen in his steps. Eventually, the path he was taking faded into a hidden garden of types made out of marigold. When he had stopped in the center, I was hidden behind a tree, watching what was happening.

A tall boy stepped out and into my field of vision. He towered over both Hyunjin and I, maybe even both of us combined. "H-hi.." was the only thing Hyunjin could force out of his mouth.

I covered my ears, not wanting to eavesdrop. I saw the two exchange words before it looked like they got into a heated argument. I cringed at the face of the shouting elder matched with Hyunjin. 

Then, time seemed to stop as hand hit face. Hyunjin fell to the ground, writhing in pain. He was getting more punches thrown at him, before I gathered all of my courage.

"Stop! Stop it!" I screamed as I ran to stand between Hyunjin and the older boy. "He did nothing to you!"

The older boy chuckled and looked at me like I had grown a third head. I felt my temper boil. Almost as if on its own, I raised my fist and swung. I landed dead center on his eye. And he collapsed, right there and then. 

I felt a new emotion run through my veins. It wasn't pride or happiness. Was it guilt? I was thinking before I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Thank you..."

I turned around to see Hyunjin. I brushed my hand against his cheek and smiled. "You don't need to thank me. I'll always be here to protect you. You'll always be safe near me."

"You promise?" He asked, hope visible in his eyes.

"I promise," I said before handing him two flowers; a crocus and a white heather. I hadn't even bothered to look around to see that we were surrounded by dead leaves. If I had, I wouldn't have him the flowers.

***

It had been a few weeks since I had protected Hyunjin, and he had started to get annoying. He would always cling onto me, and I found myself growing distant from my friends because of him. I could never go a whole day without hearing him call my name, and I swore he did it just to annoy me. 

"Jeongin! Jeongin!" Hyunjin called.

There it was again. I gritted my teeth and turned around. "What? For the last time, can you stop being such a baby and grow up? You cling onto me like there's no tomorrow." I spat as the orange lily fell from my hair. 

Hyunjin flinched at my words. "W-what?"

"You heard me. Stop calling me. Pretend like we were never friends." I snarled and walked away with my same flower basket filled with petunias.

Hyunjin had tears forming in his eyes before shoving a single flower at me. I grabbed it out of shock before running off.

I could hear crying as I walked away. Could I care less at this moment? No. I twirled around the flower Hyunjin had given me. It was a dried crocus. I looked down to try and ignore him as well as the flower, but I saw yet another odd one in my basket. I picked it up and examined it. "An anenome for being forsaken..."

It was at this moment when I realized what I had done.

**Author's Note:**

> Why was my writing style so weird? I absolutely hate it, haha. I'm glad that I switched to more description because this was... hard to read.


End file.
